Party Gate Investigation - 29th January 2022

Saturday, 29 January 2022, 06:56:32 GMT

Subject: Party Gate Investigation

FTAO Maria Miller

I have been sent a copy of the Wiki-leaked letter from Sue Whitewash-Gray to Bozo; Dear Prime Minister, my good friend I am pleased to advise that my team have completed their comprehensive and exhausting uncompromising investigations into the alleged party shenanigans “Party-gate" at Number 10 and other undisclosed official government locations in contravention of and during the government’s emergency 2020 Coronavirus Act, and I submit my detailed “without prejudice” report for your attention accordingly. As you can see it is pretty revealing (well it would be if we actually had to reveal the contents and identity of the party attendees) but that is of course not in “our interest” to do so. I understand that Met Police Commissioner Dame Cressida Dick-Head has also completed her totally separate and independent investigations and I can confirm that we have “on the quiet” colluded accordingly to ensure that there are no embarrassing contradictions. I personally have not seen sight of her extensive report but she tells me there are some 178 judicious pages of black marker pen revelations. Her document will be sent under separate “cover-up” in due course. In order to maintain the continued support of the “hood-winked” public of the Tory Party commitment of absolute transparency in government affairs, in line with their election manifestation deception promise, only those crucial parts of my report have been “suitably” redacted in order to protect the identities of the “innocent” in accordance with the “conveniently” used “the exempt from disclosure under section 38(1)(b) of The Freedom of Information Act 2000” which “allows” information to be exempt from disclosure if said disclosure would or likely to “harm” the safety of an individual. I would have delivered this report to you at Number 10 personally but unfortunately Downing Street was cordoned off as there was a delivery of a very large rather luxurious “politically correct” Upminster carpet and a number of brooms; I assume that your servants were intending to Carrie out “Spring Cleaning” chores or has Carrie organised another private flat refurbishment perhaps? May I respectfully remind you that you would be unable and incorrect to “claim” “spring cleaning” as we are still in winter mode. Do let me know if you require my team to conduct a similar cover-up investigation into Liz Truss’s inappropriate and excessive use of the company jet for her two hour speech down-under. Signed; Ms.Sue Whitewash-Grey, your most loyal Senior Civil Serpent. (PS: Sorry to remind you but will I get the included in next year’s honours list that you promised? I mentioned it once to Dame Cressida Dick-Head but I think I got away with it !) Unfortunately I am unable to provide you with the source of this information as it may put the person (an ordinary member of the public) at risk (as under section38(1)(b) and no amount of fuzzy protection would ensure that individuals safety and of course it is only fair that the public should enjoy the same level of protection that "priviledged" do? N